Balance is Bullsh*t
You heard it first here. Balance, that ubiquitous thing we all believe we must diligently work towards to attain any semblance of happiness, is bullsh*t.
Nothing is ever balanced. Relationships, work, our bodies, our plates, they are never in a state of serene, balanced perfection. The see-saw of life is never still, balancing evenly on both ends. It teeters up and down, back and forth. As does life, our emotions, our bodies. It’s that motion, that unbalanced, ever-changing motion, that makes the see-sawers squeal with joy.
I recently spoke with a client who was stressed that she was giving her daughter more attention than her son. “I just want to make sure it’s balanced,” she said. I could see the worry in her eyes that she was somehow ruining her son by tending to her daughter. As a deeply loving mother, I knew she was doing the best she could and wasn’t giving herself enough credit. So I asked her to explain how she gives attention to both her children. As it turned out, she was currently giving her daughter lots time because she’s playing a particular sport. What we also realized is that when her daughter’s sport ends, her son’s sport picks up, and it’s then that she spends more time with him.
“See”, I said. “It’s not about balancing out your time with them every day but cycling through each sports season with them. You spend 3 months more focused on your daughter and the next 3 focused on your son. It’s not the same “balanced” time but it’s equal time. It all comes out even in the end.”
I see this all the time in my practice. Clients attempting to do it all, be balanced, all the time.
Right here and now, please take a load off because I’m here to tell you that “perfect balance” is a fallacy.
Something will always be in flux, something just a touch out of whack. That’s OK. That’s what makes us human, not robots.
Peace appears when you know which cycle you are in and that another cycle, the counter cycle to the one you are currently experiencing, will arrive when it’s time.
This week, see if you can stop seeking balance. Instead, proceed with peace knowing that there is a time to work your ass off and then a time to rest. A time to spend with your husband and then a time to be just with you. A time for kale smoothies and a time only for chocolate cake.
Life zigzags, it swerves and makes unexpected turns. Release the need to balance it out, make it an easily understandable straight line and rather enjoy the season you are in. Enjoy the ride because it will soon shift again.