If you’re going through a break-up, read this.
First let me say, I get it. Break-ups are not for the faint of heart and whether it was your idea or your partner's, I know how intense life is right now. After going through my own separation and divorce 2 ½ years ago and coaching countless clients through their relationship woes, I can tell you that 1) you’re not losing your mind, 2) you’re not the only one and 3) if you can bring in these 3 things, life will begin to feel a lot less crazy. 1. Be open - Here’s the deal. You’ve been cracked in two. And you’re feeling stunned and raw like a baffled kitten just out of surgery. Life is a sh*t show and your natural reaction is going to be to shut down and mitigate unwanted pain. Know this: A broken heart is an open heart. Be open to what you feel without making it wrong. Be open to the tears that gush over your lower lids and smear your mascara. Be open to the love pouring in from family and friends. Be open to listening to the other side rather than quickly sewing your heart back up with icy suitors. (Note: This does not mean you must say yes to your ex-partner’s requests. It is possible to keep an open heart and say no.)
2. Be honest - We’re all guilty of withholding the truth in our relationships. Perhaps you just couldn’t find the right words, or the right time, or you were afraid of the person’s anger or disappointment. And so you kept silent. And how well did that work out? Exactly. Use this time to be incredibly honest, starting with yourself. What’s calling to be felt and said? What’s been relegated to the back of the bus that now needs a front seat? If you could say anything right now, what would it be? (Note: I’m calling for compassionate honesty here, not brutal honesty. There is a way to be both loving and tell the truth without needing to rip ourselves, or others, a new one.)
3. Be kind - Break-ups are never easy or clean. They bring us face to face with our imperfections and the blind spots we’ve missed, yet again. And because our pain is on display for everyone to see the shame can be deafening. During this rocky time it’s imperative that you be kind to yourself. Extra, extra kind. Like crying without judgment, napping without guilt, eating without criticism, seeking support without shame kind of kind. See how gentle you can be with yourself without trying to rush through it.
As Otis Redding said, “Ya gotta try a little tenderness”, and it’s with this tenderness that you will find the strength to keep your heart open, speak your truth and kindly face yourself in a way you never have before.
Know this, you are more resilient than you know.
Your broken heart will not kill you.
In fact, it will heal more open, wider, with a greater capacity for love than you could ever imagine.
All of my love and know I’m thinking about you,
P.S. It may seem odd to be writing about breakups but honestly, this is the topic I talk about most with my clients. In fact, 90% of my clients and I haven’t talked about food in years. Why? Because food is just a symptom of a deeper reality that needs addressing.
My true work is guiding women through the major changes in their lives to feel both clear and energized for the path ahead.
If you’re in the middle of a break up and need of a non-judgmental ear and quick clarity, shoot me an email here and we’ll get you feeling better ASAP. Promise.
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