What if “powering through” is actually keeping you stuck?
I may have mentioned this before, but I’ve never been much of a “joiner”. I prefer to handle things myself, as do most of my clients. So when my dear friend Lisa asked me to join a women’s group I was skeptical. My initial three thoughts were:
I don’t need this. I’m beyond this. I shouldn’t need this.
Thankfully I’ve done enough self-exploration to know that when my immediate reaction to participating in a group is “NOPE!” that usually means I need to unpack my answer more.
The truth was I’d been secretly wanting to find a group of women to learn from, lean on, and confide in for years. I certainly have amazing friends but I wanted something structured where we could embark on an exploratory journey together.
And so I put my “lone wolf”, “I’m fine without this” hat to the side and accepted her invitation.
Words can barely describe how amazing this group has been for me. It’s been such a gift to simply show up, be me and soak in wisdom from these insightful, thoughtful women.
I’ve learned many things about myself and my inner workings since diving deep with this group and the lessons, of course, keep coming.
The biggest one perhaps is knowing, deep in my bones, that humans are designed for connection. We need each other on a cellular level and yearn to feel worthy, heard, connected and understood.
And yet so many of us suffer in silence.
We think we have to go it alone and that strength means single-handedly dealing with our shit.
We tell ourselves we’re fine, we’ll power through, we got this, whether we’re dealing with an overwhelming work project or making a meal.
We have a hard time asking for help and an even harder time receiving it.
And interestingly enough, though we think we look tough, rarely do we feel so when things are piling up on our shoulders. Our isolation doesn’t make us feel any stronger. Our superhuman status doesn’t create an internal sense of belonging or authenticity.
If anything we feel alone, disconnected and wondering why, though we try to look on the bright side, life feels like an uphill battle.
This is exactly where my client Jen was when we started working together.
She had a “dream job” she’d fallen out of love with, was training for a marathon and struggling with her body image because she kept comparing herself to other runners, was feeling disconnected from her husband and was unable to figure out why she couldn’t power through the way she had before.
“I want to be strong,” she said, tears welling in her eyes. “I used to think I was but recently it’s been hard to keep it together. I feel stuck and lost at the same time. It’s hard to say this but I even feel guilty working with you. Like I’m giving up or something. Why can’t I figure this stuff out on my own?”
I looked at Jen, looking back at me for the answer that would make everything alright, and said, “I get it. What you’re feeling is SO normal and most people, me included, have a hard time asking for help.
We armor up against life, trying to tame it and bend it to our will and then when life goes sideways, we struggle. Compound our struggle with the idea that we’re supposed to be happy superwomen all the time and we’re in for a major sh*t storm.”
After that conversation, Jen gave herself permission to get support and soon began sharing things with me during our sessions she’d never told anyone before. She called our sessions, “the place I’m free to be my messy ME.”
We laid out a plan to get her feeling more supported at work, crafted the exact language to use with her husband when she needed to share her truth and, over time, she even began to feel sexy again and embrace her body rather than endlessly berate it.
So often the weight of struggling in silence is more painful than the struggle itself. Tweet this.
My clients tell me every day that they feel lighter, better, more focused simply by sharing what’s real for them.
And the best part of feeling lighter is that we then have the true strength to move forward towards the authentic and expressed life we all seek to live.
So tell me, if you were to give yourself permission to receive support, would you be most comfortable with one-on-one or in a group?
To answer, simply click HERE.
And if you’re over going it alone and want a safe place to share your struggles and receive specific insight on how to move through them, I have 2 open spots in my one-on-one practice.
Simply email me HERE and we’ll get you set up.
Lots of love,
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