Making a New Year’s weight-loss resolution? Read this

We are all familiar with the ever-so-popular New Year, New You weight loss resolution. We hop on board under the guise that we’re taking better care of ourselves and that this is THE YEAR we’re going to get back to our “pre” weight (pre-wedding, pre-baby, pre-pandemic) and finally look the way we want to.

The problem is that often when you want to lose weight, what you’re really seeking is what you believe that weight loss will give you. More love, more freedom, more acceptance, more confidence. The truth is that everything you think weight loss will give you is available in your body now. Right now.

The trick is being brave enough to embrace and take care of the body you’re in, in this moment.

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Photo by Diana Polekhina

I recently had and email exchange with a longtime follower of my work. In it she talks about wanting to lose weight and asks if there is a healthy way to do so without focusing on what she doesn't like about herself.

She wrote,

“Jamie, I've recently moved and am now living in an area where it seems like everyone is in perfect shape. My body somehow didn't get the memo about dropping the weight after my second baby. I feel like I might be mistaken for being pregnant again with this pooch that's still lingering. Thankfully I was brought back to something you wrote a while back that struck me:

 "As the tears fell from my face, music still blaring, body still dancing, I saw how I’d spent the last month yearning for the smaller body that came with a smaller time in my life. A good time no doubt, a healing time and one that was hermit-like, insular, focused only on me."

This really hit home. I recently caught myself wistfully looking at photos from my honeymoon of my lean body and rested face. But that was me before birthing two beautiful babies into this world and it's time that I take your wisdom to heart: "We cannot go back to a body or time we’ve grown past."

So now my question is, what's the right approach to both loving myself now and accepting what is, while also taking steps to stop neglecting my self-care post-babies? How do you get in better shape without that being the focus? And is there a point when you know you've arrived at the new set-point that isn't your old body but feels like the right one for now? I'd love to know what your thoughts are. Thank you.”

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Photo by Diana Polekhina

My response was this:

“Let’s start with your first question: What's the right approach to both loving yourself here and now and accepting what is, while also taking steps to stop neglecting your self-care post-babies? 

The thing to remember is that those 2 things are not mutually exclusive. You can love yourself in the here and now AND give yourself care, which may look like moving your body more frequently in ways that feels pleasurable (rather than punishing), sleeping more, eating foods that are chosen with desire/intention rather than just what the kids leave behind, etc. I believe the more we can love ourselves as we are, the easier self care is because there are no expectations (weight loss, etc) associated with the care. You simply get to do what feels good because you already like yourself. 

Question number 2 asked: How do you get in better shape without that being the focus? And is there a point when you kind of know you've arrived at the new set-point that isn't your old body but feels like the right one for now? 

Taking better care of our bodies is about setting an intention rather than a hard and fast goal. For example, rather than making "get into better shape" or "lose 10 pounds" the focus, allow the focus to be, "I want to move my body in fun and pleasurable ways" or " I want to feel stronger" or "I want to feel like my body is mine again" or whatever your desire is. The important part is taking out the notion that there is a better/worse shape (our shapes are fine however they come) and replacing it with the true desire to offer yourself and your body MORE TIME. Allow your focus to be on how you want to feel and the time you want to offer yourself rather than how you want your body to look. (I say this knowing it is far from easy, which is why it's a key point I work on with my clients.)

And yes, in offering your body more support, movement and time you will hit a new set-point where your strength and energy will feel better than it has. Again, the work is being brave enough and radical enough to not focus on creating a new body or the "right body for now" but rather asking yourself, "How do I want to feel in my body for this current phase of my life?"

All my love to you and thank you for asking these important questions.”

And so I ask you,

“In what ways have you outgrown the smaller body you’re trying to get back to? What would you need to know and believe to deeply care for and love the body you’re in?”

Stay safe, stay well, stay away from diets and know I’m sending you lots of love.

If you enjoyed this post, please keep reading!

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