We move at the speed of trust.
Question for you: What were you taught about slowness?
Perhaps you were taught that slowness is a form of laziness. Perhaps you internalized the message that going slow is a waste of precious time. Maybe you see slowness as the antithesis of productivity or worse, that slowness is a reflection of low intelligence.
No matter how you slice it, it's the rare person who believes going slow is a key to success.
The pace at which we live (or at least believe we should live) directly reflects our internalized rejection of slowness. We live our lives with the feeling that we are (or must be) running from one activity, project or obligation to the next, rarely taking a breath, let alone a moment for ourselves. And when we do take that precious moment just for us, we feel guilty about it.
And, of course, on the other side of believing going slow is wrong is the harmful belief that we are never going fast enough.
I cannot tell you how many years I spent beating myself up for not moving fast enough; for not achieving at the speed I'd been force fed; for hemming and haaing over a decision rather than fearlessly jumping in with both feet.
In a culture where we are systematically severed from our strength, intuition and wisdom (things that require slowness and TIME to cultivate), it can feel impossible to comfortably and authentically move quickly.
Mindfulness facilitator Leslie Booker says we move at the speed of trust.
Let's let that sink in.
While our pace is certainly influenced by our programming, our innate drive, our energy and even our anxiety, the deeper truth is we can only comfortably move at the speed at which we trust.
If you're currently beating yourself up for not moving fast enough, not accomplishing enough, not living up to some impossible expectations or not yet having your 2022 all planned out to a T, consider this. What if rather than giving yourself another heaping dose of self-criticism or self-flagellation, you offered yourself a bit more trust.
Trust that you're going at the pace that genuinely works for you.
Trust that you know your limits.
Trust that if you're movingly slow, it's because you need to.
Trust that there isn't some productivity secret you just haven't yet discovered.
Trust that you know when to speed up and slow down.
Trust that you're always doing your best.
Trust that you can let what feels nourishing lead.
Trust that no matter, you are not a lazy a** but a human that naturally cycles through energy highs and lows.
Trust that you can follow the cycles of your body.
Take a moment to consider a project, an activity, a relationship, or an expectation that you wish you were moving faster on.
What information might be missing about this situation that you need to feel more comfortable?
How might the other aspects of your life be impacting what you can give to this particular situation?
What doubts and/or fears do you have about this situation?
How might your fear be slowing you down?
If you were to trust yourself in this situation, how might you act? What decisions would you make?
The last few years have been so rough and we're all eager for some sort of normalcy, some sort of shift that will make life feel a little less like we're holding it together with spit and scotch tape.
But honestly, we are all still holding it together with spit and scotch tape because we are still in uncharted territory. STILL. And because we still are, why can't we honor that STILL with some stillness and space?
So, rather than defaulting to the tired tropes ofspeedinessandnot fast enoughas a way to move forward and bypass all that we're living through, let us instead try trust. Let's trust ourselves, our desires, our experience and our truth so fully that they can't help but move us forward at a pace that feels right, good and just what we need.
I created this mini-course for women who find themselves drowning in "shoulds," and who are ready to live life on their own terms. This self-paced course is doable even for the busiest among us, consisting of a digital workbook, 4 guided meditations, and absolutely no deadlines, obligations, long-term commitments, or "shoulds.
May we all enjoy the energy that comes from leaving our confusion and all the shoulds in the dust.
If you enjoyed this post, please keep reading!
This conversation is between myself and an incredible woman named Ani, who shares how she learned how to be authentic, practice self-compassion, and take up space without guilt or shame through my 6-month group coaching program, Homecoming. Ani is a model for how to excavate internalized misogyny and live authentically without fear of others’ opinions. The conversation originally took place on my podcast, The Path Home.