Reallocating the f*cks you give.
At any given time, we only have so many fucks to give.
We are currently inundated with crisis after crisis, and we want to fix them. There are causes we want to support and systems we want to change, all while attempting to care for ourselves, our children, our bills, our mental health, our relationships, our our our.....
It's a lot.
Photo by Elia Pellegrini
Which is why when we are in the process of understanding the world in a new way while simultaneously seeking to change our behaviors, we get overwhelmed. This overwhelm stems from the sheer amount of change we are trying to create, while still holding onto our old ways of being.
The answer to the overwhelm, confusion and exhaustion you feel right now is this:
You must reallocate the fucks you give.
Take back the fucks you've given to shame, self-doubt and self-criticism, and doggedly reallocate them to the care you want to give and receive.
Start giving a fuck about the world you want to create and stop giving a fuck about things that pull you away from that vision.
When we stop giving a fuck about being the perfect ally, we start giving a fuck about real allyship and anti-racism work.
When we stop giving a fuck about keeping the peace, we start giving a fuck about making peace. (h/t Glennon Doyle)
When we stop giving a fuck about the number on our scale, we start giving a fuck about our legacy.
When we stop giving a fuck about our productivity, we start giving a fuck about our creative expression.
When we stop giving a fuck about calories, we start giving a fuck about our (and others!) body autonomy and freedom.
When we stop giving a fuck about perfection, we start giving a fuck about standing our sacred ground.
When we stop giving a fuck about being right, we can start giving a fuck about getting it right. (h/t to Brene Brown)
I know you are a good person. And to be a better person, the type of person who wakes up every morning, looks in the mirror and says, "Hey honey. I like you. You're doing such a good job. Keep going!", we must courageously stop caring about anything that makes us feel small, insignificant, insecure and powerless.
This is what care in action looks like.
So here's what I want to know. What fucks are you going to reallocate for your vision of a just, equitable, and peaceful world? What thoughts/beliefs are you no longer going to entertain in the name of creating a life and world that reflects your values?
And if you want more support on how to actually and actively reallocate your fucks, listen to my care call on Learning to Let Go.
All my love and take good care of you.
If you enjoyed this post, please keep reading!
This conversation is between myself and an incredible woman named Ani, who shares how she learned how to be authentic, practice self-compassion, and take up space without guilt or shame through my 6-month group coaching program, Homecoming. Ani is a model for how to excavate internalized misogyny and live authentically without fear of others’ opinions. The conversation originally took place on podcast, The Path Home.