When We Become Brittle
What happens to a woman who does not know her needs and therefore cannot get them met?
She becomes brittle. She becomes short with the ones she loves. She becomes anxious and angry. She hardens and shuts down. She becomes very hungry for something she cannot name.
As a mother, managing this hunger is a daily dance as we can’t always put ourselves first. In fact, we often need to put children first and in doing so get further away from our own feeding and need for care.
We become martyrs to our family, deciding a good partner, a good mother, a good woman is one who is need-less, one who does everything by herself without breaking a sweat. Our selflessness gets conflated with strength.
As this wild and trying year comes to an end, let’s consider what we need for the year ahead.
If you have no idea what you need (besides more sleep and less world chaos) start with these questions.
What brings you joy?
What makes you feel alive?
What brings you calm and a sense of peace?
What actions make you feel accomplished?
If you had only 24 hours left to live, how would you spend your day?
The answers to these questions are what you need. You may not be able to get all of it at once, but see what you can do to bring pieces of them into your life over this coming year.
Know this. Having needs does not make you needy.
They make you human, which is what we are all striving to be more of. More human, more real, more loyal to ourselves than to our “shoulds”. Name your needs. Ask for help. Kiss your babies. Breathe. Repeat.
If you enjoyed this post, please keep reading!
This conversation is between myself and an incredible woman named Ani, who shares how she learned how to be authentic, practice self-compassion, and take up space without guilt or shame through my 6-month group coaching program, Homecoming. Ani is a model for how to excavate internalized misogyny and live authentically without fear of others’ opinions. The conversation originally took place on my podcast, The Path Home.