Baby Bodies
I look at her double chin, her chubby knees and the mountain range of rolls that make up her thighs and think, "She is PERFECT."
And while her soft, squishy body is "acceptable" because she's an infant, when will she first be told that it's time for her to change? 4 years old? 6? 10?
When will she be told that her perfect body is imperfect, that to be loved she must slenderize her thighs, lose her soft belly and never ever surpass a size 6?
The messages are already swirling around her female body. Relatives sweetly joke about her dimpled legs and her possible need to visit Weight Watchers. Strangers comment on her cheeks and advise her to eat less.
At this tender age, she knows nothing of body image. Her body is simply the thing she is in. She doesn't yet know that one day a person or ad campaign will try to convince her that she is only as good and lovable as her dress size.
And when that day comes, may their body bullshit bounce right off her. May she be so connected to her center, so in love with her being that she's unable to recognize the inheritance of body shame they’re offering her.
May she look at them and say, "My mother taught me to accept my body as she is. To trust her changing, flowing nature. I choose body reverence over body revulsion and I will never abandon myself or my body for whatever false love "perfection" brings. My body is my own and not open to commentary."
This is what I want for each and every female on this planet.
May we accept our bodies. May we trust them. May we hold them in profound reverence for each and every one of their remarkable capabilities and may we leave a legacy of body reverence so our daughters and granddaughters may feel the same.
If you enjoyed this post, please keep reading!
As a self care coach, schedule buffering is one of my go to self care tips after a big presentation, after a work trip, after solo parenting, after a holiday party, and after any sort of transition. I make sure to enter slowly. I don't over commit. I leave LOTS of space for me to take it easy and move at a slower pace rather than slamming into the next thing after having just put so much out.
Women are uniquely tasked with carefully navigating the way we interact with the people around us. We aren't to make anyone mad. We can't let anyone down. We mustn't offend anyone. Don't even think of hurting anyone's feelings. And don't you dare inconvenience anyone.
Truth is, many of us are amazing shit-picker-uppers. It doesn’t matter who the shit belongs to, if someone drops a steaming pile of it in front of us, we always pick it up. Always.
I've been thinking a lot about change recently. It's as if every time I catch my breath and get used to life "as it is", something shifts. There's a change in the world. A change in my 3 year old's sleep pattern. A change in my body. A change in the law.
Change, change, everywhere change.
In my 15 years of coaching I've had countless clients ask me, "If I know I want to be less controlling in my life, why do I keep defaulting to it?" There are a number of reasons why we seek to control. Many of us developed controlling behaviors as children to create a sense of stability and safety in an otherwise chaotic/unsafe environment.
For most of my life I toggled between wanting to be a "good girl" and wanting to tell people (and systems) to leave me the f*ck alone. It was a hard line to walk with one part of me wanting to be liked and held in "high-standing" and the other feeling put upon, judged and resenting it.
Question for you: What were you taught about slowness? Perhaps you were taught that slowness is a form of laziness. Perhaps you internalized the message that going slow is a waste of precious time. Maybe you see slowness as the antithesis of productivity or worse, that slowness is a reflection of low intelligence.
Since January began, my partner Adam and I have been randomly looking at each other and making an exasperated "BLAH!" face. It's the face we use when either of us is feeling uninspired, listless or just, well, BLAH.
As the days shorten we find our bodies naturally craving slowness and inwardness.
This conversation is between myself and an incredible woman named Ani, who shares how she learned how to be authentic, practice self-compassion, and take up space without guilt or shame through my 6-month group coaching program, Homecoming. Ani is a model for how to excavate internalized misogyny and live authentically without fear of others’ opinions. The conversation originally took place on podcast, The Path Home.