Common Confusions (That Are Not Really That Confusing)
Let’s clear some things up right now.
I recently completed a big push for work to launch the current cohort of Homecoming (my small group coaching program), and my body, heart, and mind really needed to slow down and recalibrate.
While I talk about rest, slowness, and care A LOT in my work, this was one of the first times I scheduled rest into my calendar, literally marking it as important as work, family time, and movement.
Calendaring my rest has been a game-changer as now, not only does my rest happen because there's nothing else scheduled in that time, any guilt melts away because by being in my calendar, rest automatically becomes just as important as anything else I might schedule.
This new relationship with rest got me thinking about what I call the "common confusions" that get in the way of us taking care of ourselves and living life on our own terms.
Now, while you may identify with the confusions I'm about to list, you, my dear reader, are not confused.
You simply live in a culture that has made it their mission to make you think you're confused to keep you separate from your power.
Here are three of the most common confusions women often hold:
Common Confusion #1
"I don't know why I don't take better care of myself."
You actually do know why; it's that you've been trained not to. You've been taught that caring for yourself must look a certain way or that it is selfish, self-indulgent or unimportant.
Common Confusion #2:
"I don't know why I can't speak up for myself."
You actually do know why; it's because you're afraid of causing harm to someone or of being harmed if you say something.
Common Confusion #3:
"I don't know why I'm not more productive."
You actually do know why; you don't like what you're doing and it drains you instead of giving you life. Or, there is simply too much on your plate.
My friend, you are not confused.
You live in a culture that doesn't have your best interest or welfare at heart and is trying to suffocate you with expectations, rules, and regulations that separate you from your wisdom and your soul. These confusions are insidious, and the worst part is we think we made them up on our own, which then validates our deepest fears that we are, in fact, defective.
We did not create these confusions on our own.
They are a devastating outgrowth from stories that were put into our system without our permission. And while we are not responsible for the harm done to us, we are responsible for our own healing and change.
Enter: Quit Your Shoulds for Good.
I created this mini-course for women who find themselves drowning in "shoulds," and who are ready to live life on their own terms. This self-paced course is doable even for the busiest among us, consisting of a digital workbook, 4 guided meditations, and absolutely no deadlines, obligations, long-term commitments, or "shoulds.
May we all enjoy the energy that comes from leaving our confusion and all the shoulds in the dust.
If you enjoyed this post, please keep reading!
This conversation is between myself and an incredible woman named Ani, who shares how she learned how to be authentic, practice self-compassion, and take up space without guilt or shame through my 6-month group coaching program, Homecoming. Ani is a model for how to excavate internalized misogyny and live authentically without fear of others’ opinions. The conversation originally took place on my podcast, The Path Home.