It's Time to Quit (+ Free Holiday Survival Planning PDF)
Now, I know the idea of quitting makes you a little queasy.
Since we were children, we've been taught that quitting is a marker of weakness or poor character. Only losers and the undisciplined quit, right?!?
And yet there are many painful outcomes to this inaccurate messaging. So often we:
Stay too long in situations that no longer serve us.
Become severed from our knowing.
Make decisions based on fear, shoulds, and guilt.
Suffer under self-criticism.
Beat ourselves up for the tiniest misstep.
Think there's something wrong with us.
If you're overwhelmed with life's demands and drowning in things you "should" be or do (especially as the holidays approach), I advise you QUIT.
QUIT erasing yourself for others' comfort.
QUIT letting the need to appease lead your decision making.
QUIT sacrificing yourself to uphold outdated traditions.
QUIT the self-criticism.
QUIT believing there is something wrong with you.
It's only when we finally quit the things that aren't working for us that we have the time and space to pursue the things that will.
Sending you so much love.
— Jamie
+FREE DOWNLOAD+
If there's one thing the holidays come with, it's expectations! What if this year you could swap out old expectations for authentic actions that made the holidays manageable, function, and even, yes, joyful? I've put together a holiday survival guide to help you do just that! It's free, it's helpful, and you can download it here.
If you enjoyed this post, please read on!
As a self care coach, schedule buffering is one of my go to self care tips after a big presentation, after a work trip, after solo parenting, after a holiday party, and after any sort of transition. I make sure to enter slowly. I don't over commit. I leave LOTS of space for me to take it easy and move at a slower pace rather than slamming into the next thing after having just put so much out.
Women are uniquely tasked with carefully navigating the way we interact with the people around us. We aren't to make anyone mad. We can't let anyone down. We mustn't offend anyone. Don't even think of hurting anyone's feelings. And don't you dare inconvenience anyone.
Truth is, many of us are amazing shit-picker-uppers. It doesn’t matter who the shit belongs to, if someone drops a steaming pile of it in front of us, we always pick it up. Always.
I've been thinking a lot about change recently. It's as if every time I catch my breath and get used to life "as it is", something shifts. There's a change in the world. A change in my 3 year old's sleep pattern. A change in my body. A change in the law.
Change, change, everywhere change.
In my 15 years of coaching I've had countless clients ask me, "If I know I want to be less controlling in my life, why do I keep defaulting to it?" There are a number of reasons why we seek to control. Many of us developed controlling behaviors as children to create a sense of stability and safety in an otherwise chaotic/unsafe environment.
For most of my life I toggled between wanting to be a "good girl" and wanting to tell people (and systems) to leave me the f*ck alone. It was a hard line to walk with one part of me wanting to be liked and held in "high-standing" and the other feeling put upon, judged and resenting it.
Question for you: What were you taught about slowness? Perhaps you were taught that slowness is a form of laziness. Perhaps you internalized the message that going slow is a waste of precious time. Maybe you see slowness as the antithesis of productivity or worse, that slowness is a reflection of low intelligence.
Since January began, my partner Adam and I have been randomly looking at each other and making an exasperated "BLAH!" face. It's the face we use when either of us is feeling uninspired, listless or just, well, BLAH.
As the days shorten we find our bodies naturally craving slowness and inwardness.
This conversation is between myself and an incredible woman named Ani, who shares how she learned how to be authentic, practice self-compassion, and take up space without guilt or shame through my 6-month group coaching program, Homecoming. Ani is a model for how to excavate internalized misogyny and live authentically without fear of others’ opinions. The conversation originally took place on podcast, The Path Home.