We belong to each other
We belong to each other.
You and me. Us and them. All belonging to each other.
To love and cherish. To fill our hearts with compassion for the beings that float in and out of our world is to offer compassion to ourselves. We see that we are all human, all having an experience at this time in our shared history. Doing the best we can. Always, doing the best we can.
We move from what we know.
From the stories we tell, from the hurt we’ve had. From the broken-hearts and big wins. From the major falls and epic overhauls. The truth is, we only know what we know when we know it. And to hold ourselves and others to impossible standards and should be’s is to disconnect us from us and each other, to forget that we belong.
You to me. Me to you.
There is no separation. No isolation. What we feel as aloneness stems from the walls we construct. The barriers to the connectedness we crave. The walls keep us from each other and more importantly, to fully belonging to ourselves.
To say you are alone, all alone in a big open sea is to miss the other bodies floating beside you. Bodies who too think they are alone.
We are all in the same ocean, bobbing along, hoping to hit land, praying for something solid and real. Reach out your hand and tether to another body. No solid ground is needed when we tie together, making a homemade life raft upon the flowing, blustery, tumultuous, dynamic, wonderful sea of life.
For when we belong to each other, support is distributed. No one overburdened. No one left out in the cold. No one singularly afloat, adrift. No one sinking under the weight of carrying it all.
We are all holding and being held.
Today, reach out to those who are your bodies in the open sea of life and thank them for their tethers. Their bindings and bonds. Their strength and yours that bring you closer to compassion and connection.
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As a self care coach, schedule buffering is one of my go to self care tips after a big presentation, after a work trip, after solo parenting, after a holiday party, and after any sort of transition. I make sure to enter slowly. I don't over commit. I leave LOTS of space for me to take it easy and move at a slower pace rather than slamming into the next thing after having just put so much out.
Women are uniquely tasked with carefully navigating the way we interact with the people around us. We aren't to make anyone mad. We can't let anyone down. We mustn't offend anyone. Don't even think of hurting anyone's feelings. And don't you dare inconvenience anyone.
Truth is, many of us are amazing shit-picker-uppers. It doesn’t matter who the shit belongs to, if someone drops a steaming pile of it in front of us, we always pick it up. Always.
I've been thinking a lot about change recently. It's as if every time I catch my breath and get used to life "as it is", something shifts. There's a change in the world. A change in my 3 year old's sleep pattern. A change in my body. A change in the law.
Change, change, everywhere change.
In my 15 years of coaching I've had countless clients ask me, "If I know I want to be less controlling in my life, why do I keep defaulting to it?" There are a number of reasons why we seek to control. Many of us developed controlling behaviors as children to create a sense of stability and safety in an otherwise chaotic/unsafe environment.
For most of my life I toggled between wanting to be a "good girl" and wanting to tell people (and systems) to leave me the f*ck alone. It was a hard line to walk with one part of me wanting to be liked and held in "high-standing" and the other feeling put upon, judged and resenting it.
Question for you: What were you taught about slowness? Perhaps you were taught that slowness is a form of laziness. Perhaps you internalized the message that going slow is a waste of precious time. Maybe you see slowness as the antithesis of productivity or worse, that slowness is a reflection of low intelligence.
Since January began, my partner Adam and I have been randomly looking at each other and making an exasperated "BLAH!" face. It's the face we use when either of us is feeling uninspired, listless or just, well, BLAH.
As the days shorten we find our bodies naturally craving slowness and inwardness.
This conversation is between myself and an incredible woman named Ani, who shares how she learned how to be authentic, practice self-compassion, and take up space without guilt or shame through my 6-month group coaching program, Homecoming. Ani is a model for how to excavate internalized misogyny and live authentically without fear of others’ opinions. The conversation originally took place on podcast, The Path Home.