5 steps to quiet the mental chatter.
How are you doing, today? Take a breath and check in. I'll wait. It's so important these days to check in with our bodies and breath to remind ourselves that we are here and present, alive in this body.
Why? Because most of us are spending more time in the virtual world than ever before. We hop from one screen to the next, checking news, scrolling our socials, joining one zoom call after another.
With more screen time comes more mental load and chatter, increasing our mind's need for care.
Thankfully mind care is the first pillar in my 4 pillar care curriculum.
(The other three are body, heart and soul). No pillar is more important than another however in stressful times, our mind requires extra consideration and care to combat the surge of difficult thoughts and emotions.
A large part of caring for the mind is learning how to navigate the negative voices that hijack our thought patterns and put us into fight, flight or freeze. I call these negative voices The Itty Bitty Shitty Committee. We all have an IBSC. They are the voices that berate you, put you down, judge you (and others), feed doom and gloom, and otherwise flood your mind and body with anxiety, self doubt, comparison, fear and worry.
While working with your IBSC is a life long process, there are some very simple steps you can take right now to reconnect and calm yourself when you're in an Itty Bitty Shitty Committee spiral.
Here is my 5 step process:
1. Breathe- Place one hand on your heart, one on your belly and breathe. As you breathe begin to notice how you're feeling in your body.
2. Become aware of and acknowledge the committee- Rather than believing everything you think, take another breath and recognize, "Ah yes, this is my Itty Bitty Shitty Committee. Hi everyone! I know it's your job to yell at me in the hopes of keeping me small and safe."
3. What is the committee's concern?- Our committee's are always concerned for our welfare. For example, if your committee is yelling at you to stay quiet or keep people-pleasing, they might be worried that if you push back or don't do what people expect of you, you'll be shunned, screamed at, maybe even lose a friendship. The key is finding out what the committee's concern is so you can compassionately address it.
4. What is the committee's need? Once you've narrowed in on the concern, offer the committee what they need. Often times they need reassurance that you've got this handled and it's all going to be ok. Gently ask your committee what they need and see what comes up.
5. Create your positive "I" statement.- Once you've calmed the committee, offer yourself an "I" statement that makes you feel secure, strong and ready to move forward. For example, if the committee's concern is people getting mad at you, your "I" statement could be: I can survive people being mad at me. There is no one right "I" statement. The only requirement is that after you say the statement you feel stronger and no longer hijacked by your Itty Bitty Shitty Committee.
Walk yourself through these 5 steps whenever you notice your IBSC is acting up. All I ask is that you be gentle with yourself in the process. You’re committee was formed decades ago and they’re very good at what they do.
With these 5 steps your only job is to love your committee up enough that they calm down, leading to a sense of calm and connection within yourself.
You can do this.
If you enjoyed this post, please keep reading!
This conversation is between myself and an incredible woman named Ani, who shares how she learned how to be authentic, practice self-compassion, and take up space without guilt or shame through my 6-month group coaching program, Homecoming. Ani is a model for how to excavate internalized misogyny and live authentically without fear of others’ opinions. The conversation originally took place on my podcast, The Path Home.