How to take care of yourself when you're freaking the f*ck out.
Quick question: How often do you find yourself spiraling down into fear? If we're all being honest, the answer is probably quite often. I know it is for me.
Especially since becoming a parent I've noticed my mind jumping to terrifying scenarios just when I look at my beloved children.
Between climate change, politics, coronavirus and the many minors fears we've accumulated over our lifetime, it's no wonder fear feels like a constant companion. Whether we're in an immediate fear freakout or trying to ignore the niggling fears that have been around awhile, fear ultimately spins us out of the present moment and hinders our efforts toward caring for ourselves and changing behaviors.
For example, when a client is learning to accept her body we must also look at what scares her about embracing herself just as she is. If I'm working with someone on being kinder to himself, we examine what fear he has in letting go of self-criticism. Or when supporting a client to trust herself, we exhume her terror in no longer being a well-liked people pleaser.
Be it an acute state of fear or just ruminating on an old worry…
here are 3 steps that will help calm your system and reset your mind during a freak out:
The self-compassion break (adapted from Dr. Kristin Neff). First, place a hand on your heart and acknowledge you're suffering. Let it be OK that you're feeling afraid. Second, remember that every human (and non-human) being on the planet experiences fear. Our job is not to avoid it but learn how to work with it as a normal and common part of life. Third, offer yourself kindness. What would feel safe and calming in this moment of fear?
Remembering past triumph. Ask yourself, "What are the past scary hardships I've lived through?" Use this exercise as a way to remind yourself of your resilience, knowing that you have practice facing fear and surviving it.
Awareness to Action. When we read an upsetting story in the news, it's easy to want to hunker down and hide. Yet fear cannot grow in the face of direct action. So rather than stay in that stuck place, ask yourself, "What is one small action I can take today to shift my fear?" Perhaps its donating to an organization that fights the kind of struggle you just read about. Maybe you volunteer or simply call a friend and tell them how much they mean to you. No matter how big or small, utilizing action in the face of fear allows for incredible positive change.
The next time you experience fear, take yourself through these three steps and see what shifts. While the fear may not magically evaporate, notice if you feel more grounded and less activated than you usually do.
May these tools help you remember that while fear is a normal and common place part of life, you can learn to work with it, rather than letting it work you.
If you enjoyed this post, please keep reading!
This conversation is between myself and an incredible woman named Ani, who shares how she learned how to be authentic, practice self-compassion, and take up space without guilt or shame through my 6-month group coaching program, Homecoming. Ani is a model for how to excavate internalized misogyny and live authentically without fear of others’ opinions. The conversation originally took place on my podcast, The Path Home.