Calming Our Need to Control

dandelion blowing sunset letting go of control - Jamie Greenwood.jpg

We wage war on our bodies

  • We fight against our food

  • We battle our feelings

  • We question our knowing

  • We place others’ comfort before our own

  • And are always aiming to do more, be more, and make MORE

On the outside, these internal battles look like CONTROL.

  • Monitoring our weight. Control.

  • Counting our calories and steps. Control.

  • Needing our children and partners to act a certain way. Control.

  • Working ourselves to the bone. Control.

  • Not speaking our truth. Control.

  • Keeping our feelings unacknowledged. Control.

The problem with control is that it leads to living life on lockdown. Lives of inner chaos and external rigidity.

It’s not our fault that we’re control freaks. Besides it being a natural desire to feel safe and secure, controlling ourselves is often the only way to live the misguided ideals of beauty, accomplishment and success that have been shoved down our throats since birth.

To be who we think we SHOULD BE rather than who we ARE takes a lot of exhausting control. Control that never quite delivers the contentment and peace it promises.

 
 

If you enjoyed this post, please keep reading!

Blog
How to Be Authentic, Practice Self Compassion, and Take Up Space
How to Be Authentic, Practice Self Compassion, and Take Up Space

This conversation is between myself and an incredible woman named Ani, who shares how she learned how to be authentic, practice self-compassion, and take up space without guilt or shame through my 6-month group coaching program, Homecoming. Ani is a model for how to excavate internalized misogyny and live authentically without fear of others’ opinions. The conversation originally took place on my podcast, The Path Home.

I'm a Self Care Coach and I Always Use This Self Care Tip
I'm a Self Care Coach and I Always Use This Self Care Tip

As a self care coach, schedule buffering is one of my go to self care tips after a big presentation, after a work trip, after solo parenting, after a holiday party, and after any sort of transition. I make sure to enter slowly. I don't over commit. I leave LOTS of space for me to take it easy and move at a slower pace rather than slamming into the next thing after having just put so much out.

4 signs you're living a secret life
4 signs you're living a secret life

Women are uniquely tasked with carefully navigating the way we interact with the people around us. We aren't to make anyone mad. We can't let anyone down. We mustn't offend anyone. Don't even think of hurting anyone's feelings. And don't you dare inconvenience anyone.

3 ways to stop picking up people's sh*t
3 ways to stop picking up people's sh*t

Truth is, many of us are amazing shit-picker-uppers. It doesn’t matter who the shit belongs to, if someone drops a steaming pile of it in front of us, we always pick it up. Always.

5 steps to navigating change in an ever-changing world.
5 steps to navigating change in an ever-changing world.

I've been thinking a lot about change recently. It's as if every time I catch my breath and get used to life "as it is", something shifts. There's a change in the world. A change in my 3 year old's sleep pattern. A change in my body. A change in the law.

Change, change, everywhere change.

Power over versus power within.
Power over versus power within.

In my 15 years of coaching I've had countless clients ask me, "If I know I want to be less controlling in my life, why do I keep defaulting to it?" There are a number of reasons why we seek to control. Many of us developed controlling behaviors as children to create a sense of stability and safety in an otherwise chaotic/unsafe environment.

The tyranny of good girl conditioning.
The tyranny of good girl conditioning.

For most of my life I toggled between wanting to be a "good girl" and wanting to tell people (and systems) to leave me the f*ck alone. It was a hard line to walk with one part of me wanting to be liked and held in "high-standing" and the other feeling put upon, judged and resenting it.

We move at the speed of trust.
We move at the speed of trust.

Question for you: What were you taught about slowness? Perhaps you were taught that slowness is a form of laziness. Perhaps you internalized the message that going slow is a waste of precious time. Maybe you see slowness as the antithesis of productivity or worse, that slowness is a reflection of low intelligence.

Why is January so hard?
Why is January so hard?

Since January began, my partner Adam and I have been randomly looking at each other and making an exasperated "BLAH!" face. It's the face we use when either of us is feeling uninspired, listless or just, well, BLAH.

It's Time To Winterize
It's Time To Winterize

As the days shorten we find our bodies naturally craving slowness and inwardness.

Featured
jamie-greenwood-2021-4web-circle.png
Graphic Buttons - line.png

HI, I'M JAMIE!

In this space, you’re invited to dig deep, get real, and find care. Welcome.

Graphic Buttons - work with me.png
Graphic Buttons - care calls.png
Graphic Buttons - journal.png
Graphic Buttons - speaking.png
Graphic Buttons - newsletter.png
7 guideposts for cultivating care.png
Self Care, Mindfulness/SpiritualityJamie Greenwoodletting go, releasing control, peaceful living, self compassion, self care, calming controlComment